or maybe not. whatever. doesn’t matter. what does matter is my man daryl who made that for me. he’s something of an internet phenomena in his own right. he’s had hits on ytmnd.com (yes that ytmnd.com). he’s been flamed on there even! what a feat! what a man!

this is for him too btw

last weekend i hit up the strip club for my friend’s bachelor party. now i’m not one to particularly enjoy strip clubs. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i like to see naked chicks… i’d just rather not pay too much for it. i do, however, love to talk to strippers. they tend to be either very interesting or very stupid. both of which can lead to some great conversations. (i find that taxi drivers are another sect of humanity that can be really great or really terrible to talk to. try them both out sometime)

the girl i decided to finally give me a lap dance was pretty cute. i’d been shooting down the girls most of the night as they made their rounds. finally i broke down for this tall girl with some piercings. we go back to the “private area” (where you can of course see every other perv getting dances… how “private”) so i can get my dance. the song hasn’t started yet so she’s taking off her top and we’re just kind of making small talk before the dance starts. i’ve not been to too many strip clubs, but i have been to a few so i know this situation can go one of two ways. 1) it’s awkward because she thinks you are perverted and/or some sort of lame ass dud that has to pay for chicks or 2) you can find at least one thing in common to talk about and avoid the awkwardness of seeing someone you don’t know at all completely naked about 1″ from you.

well, the talk turns to star wars. she tells me she can do a good wookie impression. i tell her to do it and i’ll be the judge. she makes a rather hilaroius attempt at it then gets embarassed (first time i’ve seen a stripper get embarassed). i ask her to do it again and she says that everyone will think she’s some kind of weird-o if they hear her trying it. we both have a pretty good laugh.

somehow she mentions that she plays World of Warcraft. i’m stunned. i used to play WoW for like 2 years. i’m amazed that i’ve randomly chosen the one stripper in the world that plays WoW. after the dance she goes about her merry way and i return to my friends to tell them of my amazing discovery (a couple of the guys there have played WoW too). there are many exclamations (a lot of them along the lines of “you nerd why are you talking about WoW with a stripper?!”) but nonetheless it’s fun.

she comes up to our table later to chat (and i’m sure to try to get me to pay for another dance, which i won’t). we talk about WoW some more, i ask what class she plays, etc. a couple of the other guys are listening in with looks of amazement. it’s almost as if a WoW character stepped off the screen into real life (hello WEIRD SCIENCE!). i always like to ask strippers if they like their job. sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t (not really any different from any other profession i’m sure). she says she hates it and mostly because of the mean guys and vindictive, crazy strippers she has to work with. as she says this, another girl comes over and WoW chick exclaims that this is her favorite person here. after a few minutes this new girl tells me she has a star wars tattoo, and that it’s of max rebo (the blue guy from the band in jabba’s palace). she wasn’t as nice as WoW girl and seemed annoyed when i told her i didn’t have money for a dance but that i liked her song selection when she was on stage (her: “why didn’t you tip me then?” me: “i have a dollar now” her: “well now i don’t want it!” me:”good!”)

so i guess strippers are nerds too. who knew??

god i hate to clean. it’s one of those tasks that i find completely futile and pointless. every time you clean, what do you have to do in another week, 2 weeks, month whatever? clean again! fuck it.

it’s a lot like those other tasks that you have to do over and over and over and which (to me) seem like a complete waste of time. take, for example, making your bed. that shit sucks. all you do is mess it up again later that day. what’s the point? i feel the same way about cleaning. what’s the point?

i understand that there are a certain amount of health reasons to clean, so i guess maybe it’s not as pointless as making your bed. my particular style of cleaning involves pushing things around and keeping all my shit organized. i avoid doing real cleaning a lot of the time just by keeping things “picked up.” a cursory glance of my room will really give you that feeling of clean, but if you look closely it’s probably a bit dirty. except now. i spent like 4 hours yesterday cleaning and scrubbing about every nook and cranny in my room. it looks pretty ok imo.

so yeah, cleaning is bullshit. the end.