yesterday a couple of my friends and i went to the beach (well, as close as you can get to a beach in ohio anyways). we were hanging out on a sand volleyball court, just hitting the ball back and forth over the net. the sand was really, really hot so we weren’t really playing a game, but rather just messing around. well up walks this girl from somewhere else, and she asks if she could get someone else to come over and play 3 v 3. i turned to her, did a quick once over, saw she was kinda fat, and just said “well, we aren’t really playing. we’re just messing around.” she goes “oh, ok” then stands there for another minute, then walk away.

my friend’s gf goes “why can’t she play?” at that moment, i realized that i kind of wasn’t very inviting to this girl, never really made eye contact, and kind of just shut her out right away. last night while i’m laying bed trying to get to sleep (which was neigh impossible due to the fact that i failed to put any suntan lotion on my back, so it got burnt the fuck up) i started to replay the little exchange in my head and figure out what it was that made me not be too friendly to this girl.

it came to me in a flash of brilliance… it was her looks. i gave her the once over, dismissed her as fat, and that was that. i wasn’t interested in spending time with her or getting to know her. i didn’t even bother to find out if the other person she wanted to bring was another girl (maybe a hot one) or even a dude. once i made that realization, i started thinking back on a lot of different encounters i have with different girls. i started to see a pattern where i’m not as friendly with the fat ones as i am with the hot ones.

so i started to ponder this new found personality flaw, and it dawned on me… why should i even care if i’m shallow? it’s always seen by society that being shallow is a bad thing, yet i think to some extent everyone is shallow in one way or another. just the term itself, shallow, seems, well, shallow. heh. what i’m getting at is, if it is in your nature to be attracted to a certain body type, intelligence level, whatever, then why should you fight that? why should you go against your own nature just to please society? i don’t think that is a very good way to go about your life, really.